In my life, I guess I had more doubts than solutions. And it's a blank reality. For me my doubts are my fear. Life is full of surprises and sometimes it leads you to building walls, wanting to hide and blocking what is actually good. When you have fear it's hard to notice your achievements as you focus more on obstacles. Though at the same time, your obstacles are your lessons and very often the force to push you further.
So how do You go over that wave of fear?
My fear is no control. I have a controlling demon in me. And that dude smashed me so many times that I started to learn how to live with him and not fight him all the time. I can't control people, their thoughts, actions. I can't control the unknown future. Can't control how well my Year is going to be, or what exactly will happen tomorrow. For a long time, I believed I can. Like I had the power to make sure that everything goes as planned. The realisation is that nothing went by the plan I had in my mind that included other decision makers. The only thing that actually went as planned - was me.
Hold on stay with me!
I noticed that when I am afraid I go into silence. Being alone and feeding my fear with loneliness. I also call my fear 'Obstacles', like it would help me to jump over. These 7 Years (that's how long actually took me to face myself) - were the most unpredictable and felt like I am in competition to take a bigger and bigger rollercoaster. Those Obstacles made me deaf and blind to opportunities and slow down my wishes. BUT.
But I realised that even though I am controlling myself and my personal journey (growth) pretty well, I could do better. Face the biggest fear I have - control and let that go.
I always find a solution when something happens, but because of my fear, I tend to wait until it's actually happening. Even when shit hits my fan - I get out of it. But I feel so tired of being afraid. Afraid to lose a job, not being able to help m family, losing love, home - everything that seems to be the foundation in our life. Simple, normal daily things. And I am afraid of it because I have already been through that. So my brain (which I still very much love and appreciate) was building that safety wall full of notes (lessons).
It's helpful but as we already learned - I do have Control Demon. I stopped dreaming big. I started dreaming safely.
Last year I did a lot of reflection on my actions, and the way it all rolled out for me. And I constantly came to the same conclusion. I am afraid to do mistakes though I could not control many of them, and I am just too slow. It took me 7 years to the job I wanted. But in reality, I could have had that earlier.
That realisation leads me to my biggest change - voice. I still have my fear it did not go anywhere but having a voice and letting myself know what stops me, gave me the courage to push.
I guess the point of this text (which is always more the way for me to reflect, I just hope it also is helpful for you) - so the point - is that the best way to face Your fear is actually to start listening to yourself. And make sure that you have your voice.
xoxo my Beasts!