As in all my previous articles, I vomited again and again about 2021, this week I started to wonder about the upcoming year. What should I expect? Should I expect anything? Or better let's just go with a flow? I guess my question is:
How do we not squeeze the overthinking and negative mindset about non-existing moments and failures that even did not happen yet? Well, ask your brains hahaha Alright, let's dive in.
Though I am going on and on about how awful the year were both professionally and personally I need to take some accountability and appreciate what actually was good. We tend to hold to a negative state. I noticed that while I am pushing my mum to see more positive - I went to the opposite side.
What have I learned?
- that my expertise counts. To be honest I am very proud of how professionally I felt strong and growing in my field. Though the financial part is the one I am struggling with - I am way too much into the mood of helping and understanding other people issues that I am not focused on the fact that I am dragging myself down sometimes by saying yes to non paid projects or taking less money in helping others to grow. Well, those clients were my lessons. Lessons of knowing with whom I want to work, to whom I want to help, and that time is money. Who knew?!
- that my body and mind is an absolutely insane machine! I am so grateful for how patient my body was this year. It went through quite a lot: operation, fast weight loss, stress (that stayed with us for 8 months), panic attacks, etc. I know I had my red alert when I had a breakdown (I was physically and mentally exhausted).
I needed to say stop for a lot of things that were happening. My habits needed to change too. Well ... I need to change in order to change my habits but we know a simple truth - I should put myself as a priority in 2022. And that I promise.
- that I am more capable to deal when I am brave enough to listen to myself. When I moved (yes, a long time ago) I think I lost my voice. I was focusing on all other voices, other people journeys but mine was under the carpet we call 'insecurities', and coffee table 'no confidence', and was getting latte called 'anxiety'.
I had no trust in myself, and I think I did not have enough confidence. Don't get me wrong, I achieved a lot since I moved but I was still not 100% me. my very little circle knows who is Lina. This Year, only 'my LINA' helped me to survive, and get all on track. Let's keep that Lina out, ok?
- asking for help is still a key. There was a day when I went to my community centre to meet my colleagues and was shivering as a leaf. The moment I closed doors in the meeting room I started sobbing. I did not remember when the last time I was like that. I couldn't hold a glass of water, and my lips were out of control. That week I had two panic attacks (and basically it was my breakdown). My colleague wrote ASAP to our common friend who is a psychologist, and the week after I met my therapist. You read good - I did not ask for help. My body did. I was a stubborn 35-year-old goat who said - no no no. I can do it all by myself.
That was the best help I got so far this year - getting back to my therapy sessions and learning more about the patterns I had, why I feel the way I feel, reasons and tools that can help me out to go out of it.
For a lot of people to say that you are in therapy are scary words to put out. I feel that a lot in Switzerland. It's strange, 10 years ago I felt the same in Lithuania but now basically all my close friends have their therapists. It shouldn't be taboo - learning about yourself and your emotions.
- keeping my tribe close. My friends know me - I am a workaholic introvert with the speed of a snail in communication with them. I always was like that. At work - it's different, I am focused on my communication. Maybe that is a reason why just talking is exhausting to me haha. But I am a good listener! ;)
This year that positive support system was like a breeze I needed. You know... when you go out from a hot room and it's a calm afternoon with a little wind and smell of trees/ field, etc. That's how I felt this year with my friends. And I hope I will keep that tribe with me in 2022.
Why is it important? Being alone and lonely are hard emotions to cope with when you are facing Mordor on daily basis. We all know the Hobits story ...
Alright, it's enough of talking about 2021. I am closing that chapter with you, here ... when you read this. Btw, I am thankful for you too. That you got a moment to read, maybe laugh, or even think (jeez woman, get your grammar better in 2022 haha) but You are part of my journey and I am grateful for that. Wish you stable, inspiring, healthy and doable 2022.
You will read this post again and again as all other articles - remember:
'You can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights!' Maya Angelou
However tangled the lights are this year, I know you'll handle it with aplomb. Happy New Year my personal beast! Yours, (You)